This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
