I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize