it hurts more in the daytime
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize