Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
