did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
