My hand turned me down
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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