Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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