did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So vagazzling was a success
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
