you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
