im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
