sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
