Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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