This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
