the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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