the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
