we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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