and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
