there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
