'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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