it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
