a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
