Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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