He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
