There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just threw up on my dentist
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
