i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
