He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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