The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
