When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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