Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
im holly from the hills drunk
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
