arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
