and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
