So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
