So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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