what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
