Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
