Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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