Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
