I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife š¬
Listen all we did was not even pretend we arenāt each otherās type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear āoh canadaā on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
