Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
