Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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