Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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