Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
