Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
