I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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