I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
