One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I don't deserve a penis
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
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