Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
