Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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