Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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