I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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