You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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