i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
