i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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