I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I need to stop coming to work sober
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
