There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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