How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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