I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
