I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
