okay pat passed out under dana's car
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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