how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
