Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He passed out mid-signature
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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