Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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