I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Please don't give away my fajitas
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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