Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
